UGLY PLUS SIZE CLOTHES

OK, so I am venting here. I am cranky. If you don't want to hear it, don't read any further.

In my city, there are 2 plus size stores - Penningtons and Addition Elle. Then Zellers, Walmart, Reitmans, Sears, Winners all have small plus size sections, as well, Old Navy sells xxl in some items. OK - so should I not be able to buy SOMETHING that fits me and is actually NICE and under $100?? You would think. But nope - I went to every one and not one thing.

Why do plus size clothing designers think that just because I got wider, I also got taller? Doesn't work that way Numnuts. So you say, you need to buy petite sizes Jennifer. Nope, I am too tall. The pants are too low wasted, too short, and the tops barely meet my pants and the arms are too short.

Here I am in the "regular" plus size section, and of course I am now taller, so why do all these shirts go to my knees, my boobs are hanging out and I literally have to cut off a half a foot off the pant legs before I can even attempt to hem them? I know, I know - Clinton and Stacy at What Not to Wear would tell me to buy the clothes and have them altered. But I can't afford to pay $100 for a blouse then have to shorten the sleeves and length and then another $40 for something to wear under it so my girls aren't showing. Plus, I DON'T WANT TO. It is not fair. Is this my punishment for eating my emotions away and feeding my addiction with food?

And while I am on a roll here, let me ask, Why are plus size clothes SO UGLY?? I am fat, so now all of a sudden I want wooden beads, glitter, or silver loops sewn to my shirts? And, of course, all fat chicks just love animal prints - NOT!! Don't forget the 3/4 length sleeve, because we all know how flattering and high fashion that is.

I just want nice, pretty, fashionable clothes that fit. No, I don't want wood beads on my knee length pink leopard print shirt. No, I don't want cat whiskers on the front of my jeans with a bedazzled ass. No, I don't want a v-neck glitter "rocker girl" t-shirt that is open to my belly button. No, I don't want buy a blazer and have to basically remake it because I don't have monkey arms that go to my knees and shoulders that play professional football. No, I don't want turtlenecks that touch the tip of my nose. No, I don't want 100% polyester pants with elastic waste. And, no, I don't want button up collared dress shirts with 3/4 length sleeves that swish like I am wearing a rain jacket when I walk. It is a lie. They don't make you look slimmer, they only stop people from talking about how fat you look before you are within ear shot, because they can hear you coming.

People tell me to order online because you can buy fashionable plus size clothes on many websites. Yea, did you know that many of those "plus" size models are actually wearing the smallest size - sometimes even a size 12 prototype! And that they are typically 5'10" or taller? Those clothes that look great on them, will not necessarily look the same on me. If I can't find ONE blouse in the entire city, when I can actually try things on, do you really think I am going to find an entire new wardrobe all of a sudden from some website? Really??

So back to the local stores. Oh look, I found a fashionable skirt! In style and everything -- just like in the fashion mags. And it is $90 when the same thing in size 12 on the other size of the store is $30. OK, so say I am willing to pay that as penance for that extra Twinkie. Let's take a closer look. OF COURSE I can't buy that cool skirt because micro minis are in style and this is made just like the regular size ones, only bigger, and of course, every plus size woman wants to wear a skirt that barely covers the bottom of their drawers!! Seriously, get a clue. We want fashionable clothes, but made to fit plus sizes and that doesn't just mean big enough to fit around my waist. Then they are surprised when they are all on the clearance rack at the end of the season for $10. DUH!

I bet that WalMart or Reitmans could argue that their plus size clothing line must be wonderful, because their stuff (for the most part) sells. Well, guess what --- WRONG ANSWER!! They sell because desperate people like me don't want to go to work naked and have to actually buy clothing once in awhile. If all we have to pick from is shit, dung, and crap, someone is paying good money for the crap.

And I have worked in retail long enough to know how they are always one season ahead. But, seriously, I could not find ONE pair of black dress pants, even for $100, that were my size this summer. When I voiced my complaint to the sales lady at Reitmans, she actually had the nerve to tell me that all they sell in the summer are black capris because NO ONE wants black pants!! Well missy, you are standing there in YOUR black pants telling ME that no one wants to buy black pants --- after I have just spent the last two hours looking for all over Saint John for what? Oh, BLACK PANTS you say? Really?? Guess I don't count then...or do the people that actually work there.

I guess I really can't complain. This is my punishment for being fat. The designers of these plus size pieces of crap better hope that they never meet me in a dark alley somewhere, because trust me, I bet I would be the heavy weight in that fight LOL!!

And don't even get me started on finding plus size winter boots...